


I Want You In All Of Your Glory

by larry_thenight



Category: personal use - Fandom
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-26
Updated: 2018-06-26
Packaged: 2019-05-29 01:44:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 6,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15062327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/larry_thenight/pseuds/larry_thenight
Summary: In which Chris and Seb are both broken but, when presented with the opportunity, fix themselves back together again.





	1. You Only Cry When You're Alone

It has been 2 months since Chris last saw Sebastian on the street that Thanksgiving day. Chris has felt like his life has never been the same the first time Sebastian left him over a year ago. Then he waltzed back into Chris’ life and left him yet again all the more broken in the span of what felt like 5 seconds. 

 

Since that day Chris has been a robot. Just a shell of a man. He goes to work, interacts with his colleagues, he goes to his meetings, he eats and gets drinks with his friends, he goes home, and he sleeps. That’s his usual routine. It’s not that Chris isn’t functional, he just––he’s lost his personality. The brightness he had in him, in his eyes and his smile. Gone. Elizabeth noticed this and tried her best to get him to open up but Chris would insist he’s just fine. They both know he isn’t.

 

Chris isn’t sure if it helped or not that the kids have been staying with Amy back in Concord for the remaining part of the holiday season. Usually they’re able to provide him with some distraction, but now he’s completely alone to his own devices in his apartment. Amy and the kids came back after New Years but when it was time for school to start up again, it was more convenient for the kids to stay with her since her schedule fit their drop off and pick up times. Chris always busied himself with work. He’d get the kids every other weekend though. 

 

He and Amy have been civil, the animosity is no longer there. In actuality, it was like a new air surrounded him and Amy right after the divorce was finalized. Like they had been trapped inside a poisoned bubble and the bubble finally popped. 

 

Amy did not find out that Sebastian had left Chris until a month after their divorce. She couldn’t put a name to what she felt when she found out from Elizabeth. She wasn’t sad, but she wasn’t happy either. She only knew the facts: Chris had cheated on her with Sebastian for months, Chris was in love with Sebastian, Chris threw away 12 years of their marriage for Sebastian, and Sebastian left him. Chris is alone. Those were the facts and she’s never felt more confused. But she can only hope that Chris will be fine.

 

~

 

Chris never stops thinking about Sebastian. Couldn’t if he tried. He’s not sure where exactly in town Sebastian has been staying but he knows he’s in town. Harlem isn’t that huge, so it kind of surprises him that he hasn’t bumped into him again. 

 

Chris also never stops thinking about that guy Sebastian was walking with, Daniel. He can’t forget how Daniel draped his arm comfortably over Sebastian’s shoulder. He can’t forget how Sebastian would smile at this man so unfamiliar to Chris but seemed so familiar to Sebastian’s fond eyes. His stomach turned multiple times at the memory. He can’t forget how Sebastian just walked right away from him without turning back.  He’s still unsure of what Daniel exactly is to Sebastian, that had never been clarified when Seb introduced him. But Chris isn’t stupid, he knew what that protective arm around Seb’s shoulder meant, he knew that look of admiration in Seb’s eyes. That used to be the two of them. 

 

_ Stop _ . His mind nags. He doesn’t stop. The memory lives there even if it hides in the darkest corners of his brain. 

 

~

 

It’s Friday evening and Chris drives to Amy’s house to pick up the kids. He misses them lots and could really use their company.  _ Sebby _ . That’s what they’d call Sebastian. 

 

When Chris arrives to the house the kids greet him with tight hugs and a “Daddy I missed you!” from both. Amy’s right there behind them with a small smile on her face. 

 

“Okay kids, head in the car I’ll be there in a bit” he tells them and they follow.

 

He looks at Amy, “Thanks” is all he says though.

 

Amy shrugs, “Nothing to thank me for, this is routine.”

 

Chris just nods and is about to turn to leave but Amy speaks again.

 

“How’ve you been holding up?”

 

“Just fine, ya know.”

 

Amy just nods.

 

“Okay, well we’ll be back Sunday evening.” Chris says then goes.

  
  


Chris and the kids get home. They have pizza for dinner and watch two disney movies before he takes them to bed.

 

It’s a pretty good night; better than usual. That is until Chris finds himself alone again in his room. He turns on his phone and mindlessly scrolls through his photos until he gets to the ones of him and Seb in San Francisco. 

 

He falls asleep that night feeling the side of his pillow getting wet. This is no different from any other night.

 

~

 

Meanwhile at Amy’s place. She makes a call.

 

When the other line picks up, “Hey Elizabeth?”

 

“Amy? Hey! How are you? Uhm, Chris should be home with the kids now right? I don’t know where he is.” Elizabeth responded all at once.

 

“Hey! Yeah, the kids are home with Chris. I wanted to ask you something actually.” Amy had a hint of reluctance in her voice.

 

“Shoot.” Elizabeth replied.

 

Amy was silent for a few moments, “... How’s Chris lately? How has he been the past couple of months? The kids mentioned to me during Christmas that they had bumped into Sebastian on Thanksgiving. They said their Daddy looked ‘not himself’ and ‘was not fun anymore.’” 

 

“Oh. Uhm, he’s–– he’s been okay. I mean, we all know he’s not the same. He’s just living. When the kids left all he did was get drunk. I was scared he almost died once when he wouldn’t pick up the phone the morning after we’d gone out for drinks. After that I vowed I wouldn’t leave him if he got blacked out drunk. He’d always just cry. He wouldn’t scream or talk, he’d just fucking cry.” Amy hears her voice falter.

 

Amy felt a pinch in her chest. “H-how about Sebastian. Have you heard from him?”

 

“No. Not recently. But he posts on instagram often. He still lives in Harlem and I think he’s been working at a theater nearby. I- I think he’s got a boyfriend too.” Her voice gets quieter at that last part.

 

Now Amy just nearly feels defeated. “Do you still have his number by any chance?” Amy used to. But she had thrown away his business card the moment she knew he and Chris were having an affair.

 

“Yeah I do. I dunno if he’s changed it though. I’ll text it to you and you can try.” Elizabeth doesn’t question what Amy intends for the number.

 

Amy thanks her and Elizabeth sends the number right away after they hang up.

 

Amy isn’t entirely sure why she’s doing this or if it’s a good idea. All she’s sure about is that she feels like she needs to help in some way because despite what has happened between her and Chris, she doesn’t want to receive a call one day saying her children’s father died due to something alcohol related. 

 

She immediately dials the number and hope that Sebastian never changed it.

 

The line clicks and then, “Hello?” The voice is vaguely familiar now to her ears but she knows it’s Sebastian.

 

“Hey, S-Sebastian? This is Amy.” She hears his breath hitch on the other line.

 

“O-Oh Amy! Hi, uhm… uh I’m not with Chris right now, I don’t know if you know but we’re no–” Sebastian stuttered and Amy cut him right off.

 

“No, yeah I know. Uh, I was just wondering if we can meet up? You’re still in town right? I kinda have something important I want to discuss.” Amy internally cringes at how formal she sounds.

 

Sebastian is conflicted. Why does she want to talk to him? Did Chris put her up to this? Did her and Chris get back together? What? Why? 

 

“Yeah I’m still in town. May I ask what this discussion is about?” Sebastian responds.

 

“I feel like it’s best I tell you in person.” Is all Amy says.

 

Sebastian immediately feels paranoid, “Is Chris alright did something happen is he okay?”

 

“He’s fine! I just really need to talk to you.” She assures him.

 

Sebastian’s breathing slows down again, slightly feeling embarrassed. “Okay then. We can meet at the coffee shop near the Harlem theater. I have work at 1 so we can meet up beforehand?”

 

“Yeah sounds great, I’ll see you at 12.”

 

They hang up and Amy lets out a big sigh. Fuck it, she still cares about Chris.

 

~

 

“Who was that?” Sebastian hears Daniel ask.

 

“It was Amy.” Was his only reply. Daniel knows all about it.

 

Funnily enough Daniel was his therapist while he was in rehab. Seb didn’t know what it was about Daniel that made it so easy for him to open up. He had very warm blue eyes, his voice was gentle and understanding. Oh maybe that’s why. Sebastian poured his heart out and cried.

 

The first few months of rehab were tough and he needed a therapist to help him cope with his feelings about leaving Chris with basically no warning. He talked to Daniel everyday for three months until eventually he didn’t depend on it as often. Sebastian realized Daniel also helped a lot in his efforts to stay sober. He hadn’t had a drink since he’d started rehab. Another three months pass and Sebastian no longer finds alcohol a problem anymore. He starts seeing Daniel outside of therapy sessions, which also rarely happened the longer he stayed sober. Sebastian liked Daniel, admired him really. He was easy to be around. Daniel cared a lot for Sebastian and he knew Sebastian wouldn’t need him any longer as an assigned therapist. But he didn’t want their companionship to end, so he asked Sebastian out for coffee. Daniel didn’t really expect him to say yes but he’s so happy that he did. Ever since then he and Seb have basically been inseparable. He knows that Seb has feelings for him, but he also knows Seb is still in love with Chris. He knows it might take him years to get over that, but he understands. He’s hopeful and willing to wait for Seb. Which is why he follows him to Harlem. He was able to find a job for himself here.

 

“Oh. Uh, so she wants to meet up? Are you going to talk to her?” Daniel asks Seb carefully, seeing that Seb looks like he’s having an internal conflict in his head.

 

“I guess so. I don’t know what she wants though. She said it’s better we discuss it in person.”

 

Daniel just nods and gives him a kiss on the forehead before heading back to his room to get ready for work. He has a nagging thought but pushes it back.

 

Sebastian’s mind on the other hand is racing with so many thoughts. He has no idea what it is Amy wants to discuss with him. He figured the kids might have told her they saw him, but he still hoped he wouldn’t be dragged back into that circle. He also can’t help but think about how scared he got when Amy first called, he had been terrified that maybe Chris had done something stupid and got himself hurt… or worse but he couldn’t bare to even consider. He knows Chris isn’t stupid, but he can’t help worry. Chris was alone. God knows what Seb could’ve done if he didn’t have Daniel.

 

He decides to not dwell on it. He’s going to talk with Amy tomorrow and he’ll have to prepare for whatever it is she wants to discuss.


	2. The Places We Must Go

Sebastian arrives at the cafe exactly at noon, Amy just a few minutes after him. He’s nearly shell-shocked when Amy pulls him in for a hug. He feels like she should hate him after everything that’s happened.

 

Amy pulls away and sits opposite him, “Thanks for agreeing to come to talk to me.”

 

“No problem.” Sebastian gives her a small smile. “I’m not gonna lie though, I’m a little nervous.”

 

She huffs out a laugh, “I’m sorry, yeah I know I sounded a little suspicious over the phone.”

 

It looks like she was thinking of what to say next so Sebastian stays silent until she speaks up again.

 

“I- I just wanted to know how you’re doing. I heard you went to rehab for drinking.”

 

That caught Sebastian off guard, Amy’s concern. Especially because there was no hint of judgment in her tone, no  _ ‘You went to rehab and left my ex-husband who left me for you _ .’

 

“Oh.. uhm yes. I did. I’m fine now, rehab and therapy really helped me out. I’ve been sober since then” he tells her.

 

Amy smiles and softly says, “That’s great Sebastian.” The smile fades though and Sebastian immediately feels uneasy.

 

Amy talks again. “Was it easy?”

Sebastian looked at her confused.

 

“Leaving him. Was it easy?” She continued.

 

This time, Sebastian felt a pang in his chest. “N-no. It was fucking hard, but I had to Amy. When we were together in Connecticut I was so… overwhelmed. He was making plans!” he exasperated. “He’d talk about what he’d cook for me the next morning then talk about where we’d be living in the next year. There I knew he had really decided to leave you and––god I, the guilt was eating me alive. The whole time we were together I was always prepared for the moment he’d want to call it quits. He told me he’d love me forever and I hoped he was lying.”

 

Sebastian paused to take a deep breath. “I was selfish. I was selfish the entire time we were together. But there was that sensible part in me that hoped Chris would come to his senses and realize what we were doing was wrong. I know I should’ve stopped it. Believe me, I tried. But… I loved him.” 

 

His eyes were getting glossy. “It didn’t make me any less guilty though. I figured you had already known long before he told you. It was hard whenever we had events and he had to be with you. My only way to get through the evening was to drink and keep drinking till the night was over. The only way to get through the days and nights he had to stay with you was for me to get drunk. I was heading towards a slippery slope. It terrified me because I felt like I was gonna take Chris down with me. He got really intoxicated our first night in Connecticut that I spent the next morning taking care of him and all I wanted was to take another drink. God, I loved him so much but it was getting so unhealthy and it didn’t feel right that we were taking that holiday together while he was still married to you. I knew he realized that when he told me our relationship wasn’t sustainable, though he wished it was. Too much damage had been done. He changed his flight to leave a couple days early. Not one moment during the time I had left with him did I feel like he didn’t love me or that he stopped loving me, even up to the moment he had to leave. He left before I woke up, and I knew it was because it would’ve been harder for him to leave.”

 

Amy knows exactly what happens after Chris leaves. She handed him the divorce papers.

 

“I was surprised when he showed up at my mom’s. I had already gotten the divorce papers ready to give him after the holidays. I handed it to him that morning. He wasn’t even surprised, it was as if he came there expecting them. I don’t think he expected to come back to Harlem with you completely gone. I think he left you to fix the mess. You say the damage had already been done, but I know him. I know how he is when he loves someone… let’s just say I experienced it firsthand. He was gonna fix it and he was gonna come back to you.”

 

Sebastian had trouble forming words. He had definitely considered all the reasons as to why he and Chris had to separate. But the dominant thought wasn’t that Chris was gonna fix things to go back to him, but to fix things with Amy. 

 

“I left Harlem because I didn’t know what to expect when I got back from Connecticut. I wasn’t sure if I was gonna return with you and Chris having patched everything up. It wasn’t gonna help my alcoholism and I didn’t want to die so I contacted my lawyers and sent in the notice of my resignation from the company and fled out of town to get myself help. I was advised to block Chris from everything because it wasn’t gonna help my recovery. I didn’t want to at first but I did it anyway in hopes that it wouldn’t hurt as much if he ever tried to contact me. I got the help I needed during my time there.”

 

“Did it help it you stop loving Chris?” Amy saw his face grimace and immediately realized how inconsiderate it sounded, “I don’t mean that to downplay your intentions for sobriety, I’m sorry. It’s just… I heard you met someone. The kids told me you were with someone when they bumped into you.”

 

“Daniel. He’s uh… he was my assigned therapist when I was in rehab. I was recovering quite fast and he was a big help till I didn’t need him for therapeutic purposes. He became my friend. He’s important to me.” Amy just stares at him as if that wasn’t the answer she was looking for.

“Daniel is special to me, but I can’t find myself to fully commit to him yet. I told him that and he understands. But I know he’s… waiting for me.” Sebastian’s shift down to his hands.

 

Waiting. Amy interprets that as they’re not together but they might be if Daniel is patient enough.

 

“Sebastian, do you even have any ounce of love left for Chris?” Amy had no intention of sounding hostile despite how charged her question sounded.

 

“W-why are you asking me this Amy. I ca– I can’t…” Sebastian’s heart started racing.

 

Amy reached for his hands and her eyes looked pleading. “Sebastian, I know I have absolutely no right to ask this of you, but I guess I stopped giving a fuck about what should be right when I decided to keep looking out for the man who broke my heart. Sebastian, he’s hurting.”

 

Sebastian had no words and her hands were still gripping onto his.

 

“I didn’t know you left him until after our divorce was finalized. When Elizabeth told me I couldn’t pinpoint exactly what it was that I felt. I guess I should’ve been happy, ya know. I should’ve laughed. I thought it was karma biting his ass, but it didn’t make me happy. Chris threw away 12 years of marriage for someone who’d only leave him in the end. I should’ve laughed. But I couldn’t precisely for that reason. What he did was wrong yes, he hurt me and ruined the life we built together. But if he made the conscious decision to make that mess then I damn hoped it would’ve been worth it. Instead, he was all alone and drinking himself to near death. None of this shit was worth it.” A tear escaped from her eye.

 

Sebastian felt his breath hitch.  _ Drinking himself to near death _ . This is exactly what he was terrified about. 

 

Amy choked out a laugh, “Chris has always loved to drink, but not like that. Elizabeth told me he’d black out because of it. He never did that.” And that’s where her voice falters.

 

Sebastian is at a loss for words. Maybe he did this all wrong. He doesn’t regret leaving to get help, but maybe he should’ve told Chris. He shouldn’t have left him without giving him a proper goodbye. He didn’t mean for Chris to pay the cost of Sebastian’s sobriety.

 

He was pulled away from his thoughts when Amy began to talk again. “Look, I’m just saying this to be honest, not to attack you or make you feel like you owe Chris anything. But I know he hasn’t been getting drunk because of divorce. It isn’t because he lost me. It’s because he lost you… and I’m scared. He’s far from the man I knew before you came into his life and even when you did. I don’t want my kids to lose their father. I don’t know how else to help him.”

 

Amy felt like she was about to take a big fucking leap asking this from him, “I know that you have… someone. But if there’s any, even the least, amount of love in your heart for Chris. Could you possibly talk to him? At least give him closure? You can think I’m desperate and stupid for doing this but you owe this to me at least. I didn’t lose him for nothing, I lost him because he fell in love with you. So I beg you please… talk to him.”

 

Sebastian’s crying now. He’s not sure if it’s because of the desperation in Amy’s voice or because Chris must be so badly hurt that the woman they both wronged is begging him for a favor. Maybe it’s everything. 

 

“I–– I need to think about it. I don’t know if I’m ready yet, but I do know that I have to. I need some time to think.”

 

Amy could accept that. “I understand. I’m sorry for springing this up on you.” She let out a sigh. “I know that our experience with each other hasn’t been ideal, but… in some twisted way I was rooting for the both of you. I think you’re everything to him, I think you’ll always be.”

Sebastian saw a smile form on her face, it was small but it was genuine. 

 

“I guess I’ve kept you long enough, you should get ready for work.” She says while getting up.

 

Sebastian nods, “Right, work.” And gets up too.

 

Amy pulls him in for another hug and whispers, “I’m still rooting for the both of you. Thank you for talking to me.” Then she pulls away and leaves without another word.

 

~

 

Sebastian gets back into his car but doesn’t do anything but sit there. He does that for about 8 minutes then in a split second he takes out his phone to text his manager.

 

_ ‘Won’t be able to make it to work today. I’ve caught a cold.’  _ He hits send then turns on the car and drives. 

  
  
  


He never thought of coming back to even visit the company, figured it would trigger a lot of memories. It’s too late for that now. He just needs to know a little more and from someone who may know the information he needs. 

 

He walks into the building and the atmosphere already feels like too much. He sees an unfamiliar woman at the front desk. 

 

“Hi, is Elizabeth here?” 

 

“Yes, she is! Do you have a meeting scheduled with her?” The lady asks warmly.

“Oh uh… I don’t actually. But if she isn’t busy do you mind asking her I can meet with her real quick. My name’s Sebastian.”

 

“Sure, no problem. Luckily she has no meetings at the moment.” She picks up the phone and after a few seconds, “Hello Miss Olsen, there is a Sebastian here requesting for a meeting with you.” There’s a pause then the lady looks up at him, “Is your last name Stan?”

 

Sebastian nods quickly.

 

“Yes, it is. O-okay okay, I will!” The lady quickly hangs up the phone. “Um okay sir, you can go see her now. Turn right, go straight ahead, and it’s the first door your left.”

 

“Thank you.” He says then goes. He obviously already knows where her office is.

  
  


He knocks on the door and it opens immediately with a wide-eyed Elizabeth.

 

“Oh my god Seb!” She squeals then pulls him in for a hug which Sebastian readily returns. He’s missed her so much.

 

“Please, come in! I can’t believe you’re here! I’m so happy to see you I literally almost choked when Mary said a Sebastian was here.” She says excitedly.

 

“Yeah I know, it was kind of a last minute thing sorry. So… how are things here?” He asks, not wanting to dive in right away into his actual intentions.

 

“They’re great, the app has been doing well and quite a few orgs have been asking to partner up with us!” 

 

He gives her a big smile, “That’s amazing! I’m really happy the company’s still thriving.” He means it.

 

“It isn’t the same without you here though,” he voice gets sad for a moment, “But hey, I’ve seen your Instagram posts, congrats on a year of sobriety! I’m so fucking proud of you.” 

 

“Thank you, I am too. It’s definitely changed my outlook on drinking.” He laughs.

 

“I’m glad. So no more drinks huh?”

 

“No actually, I celebrated my first year with a drink! But it was just one and it was one of those fruity ones that barely have any alcohol content in it. I know how to indulge responsibly and strictly on occasion.”

 

There’s a real big smile on Elizabeth’s face but Sebastian sees it falter for a split second, he thinks he knows why.

 

“So, what brings you down here?” She asks though she has a feeling it has to do with Amy calling asking her for his number yesterday.

 

“Uhm, right… actually.” He was trying to formulate the words. “I uh, just came from having a talk with Amy. She talked to me about Chris.”

 

“Oh… uh. Yeah. She asked me for your number. How’d it go?” Elizabeth asks uncomfortably.

 

Sebastian rubs the nape of his neck, “I don’t know. It was a lot. I wasn’t expecting it for it to go the way that it did. She told me that Chris has been drinking a lot and he hasn’t been himself. She… she wants me to talk to him.”

 

Her eyebrows raise, “Really? Are you? He’s been…” She trails off, not knowing exactly what to tell him.

 

“How exactly is he Liz. Is it really that bad?”

 

The look on Elizabeth’s face drastically changes as she breaks down sobbing into her hands.  _ Oh god _ , Sebastian thinks. He quickly rushes to hug her. He doesn’t realize he’s starting to cry as well.

 

“I feel like I don’t know him. He’s here you know. He works everyday and talks to us but… it’s not him. He’s like a fucking robot. It was so bad after the kids left for Christmas, there wasn’t a day when he wasn’t drinking. I remember feeling so horrible one time. We had all gone out for drinks and I knew he had too much. I shouldn’t have left him alone but I did. Then he wouldn’t pick up the next morning and Paul had to break the door down. I promised myself I wouldn’t leave him after that.” She recounts brokenly.

 

Sebastian’s chest felt so heavy. He remembered the one night Chris woke him up crying because of the same thing. 

 

“It got a little better after the kids came back. But it still isn’t enough. He gets them every other weekend and those are the only times he doesn’t pick up a drink. He promised us he wouldn’t do that. But when the kids are back at Amy’s it’s the same old routine.” Amy stared blankly at the wall.

 

“He never talks about you.” Elizabeth started again but Sebastian stayed silent, “Never when he’s awake at least. Even on the nights where he’d do nothing but cry, not once did he mention your name. It wasn’t until he’d fall asleep that your name is all I’d hear” she takes another deep breath. “You know I didn’t even know it was him. Sometimes I’d think, how’d I let it fly over my head that it was him you were seeing. I knew he cared a lot for you, but he was married! You try not to expect your best friend to cheat on their wife with your other best friend. I was suspicious though… I didn’t fully figure it out till after your resignation and Chris and Amy came back divorced.”

 

“I think I have to talk to him.” Sebastian finally says. It’s mostly to himself.

 

“You’re damn fucking right you do.” Elizabeth doesn’t beat around the bush. “I don’t agree with how you guys started your relationship, but that doesn’t mean I don’t support it.”

 

“That doesn’t make any sense.”

 

“Yeah it does. But wait… what about that Daniel guy. Is he your boyfriend now?” 

 

Oh right, Daniel. In less than an hour, Sebastian has already forgotten about him. “No, he’s not my boyfriend.”

 

Elizabeth raises an eyebrow, “So what, he’s your roommate? You guys live here together don’t you? There’s a picture of him kissing your forehead.”

 

Sebastian gives her a look but she just shrugs. She’s snoopy!

 

He sighs, “I formed an unexpected bond with Daniel, he helped me a lot while I was trying to stay sober. He was a constant source of positivity for me. I didn’t necessarily fall in love with him. But I do admire him a lot and yeah I’m attracted to him I guess.”

 

“But?” She’s going to push.

 

“I’m not ready for him yet. And I told him that… but he was very adamant in convincing me he was willing to wait. So he decided to keep me company here.”

 

Elizabeth rolls her eyes, “Look I’m glad you have him and I’m grateful that he’s helped you out. But I don’t approve of that shit. Not that my approval is of any importance of course. I’m just saying you need to sort things out with Chris.” 

 

In between the lines that was Elizabeth saying  _ you need to see him and realize you’re still in love with him _ .

 

“I will.”

 

Elizabeth turns to look at him straight in the eyes, “Sebastian be honest with me, do you ever actually see yourself with that Daniel?”

 

Sebastian couldn’t answer right away. He had considered it of course, settling down with Daniel. But did he actually picture it happening? Deep inside he knew he did not.

 

“N-no, I don’t think so.” He admits.

 

“And why do you think that is?” She is going to push further.

 

Again, Sebastian’s voice gets caught in his throat. Elizabeth sees the tears well up in his eyes until he’s the one breaking down. She embraces him with his head buried in her shoulder.

 

“You still love him.” It wasn’t a question, but the way Sebastian’s body shook in her arms felt like an answer.

 

She rubbed circles on his back trying to soothe him, “It’s okay hun. Shh, it’s okay.” She begins rocking him a bit on instinct, “Sebastian he’s free now. It’s okay if you want to fight for him.” It comes out as a whisper but its strong and ringing in his ears.

 

He pulls away to look at her, “W-what if he’s m-mad at me?”

 

“Oh Seb, he’d never be mad at you. The only person he’s mad at is himself. I know he wishes he had done things differently so he’d never have to lose you. But look, you’re here now and Chris is no longer attached. There’s be absolutely nothing wrong with you guys being together. You can fight for him now Seb. You deserve to fight and you deserve to have him. You deserve each other.” She said the words with a conviction that wrapped itself around Sebastian’s heart like a tight rope.

 

“I never stopped loving him.” He says, his voice sounding small.

 

She smiles with tears in her eyes, “He’s never stopped loving you either.” 

 

They just hug each other for a few minutes before letting go.

 

“Okay. I don’t know how I’m gonna do this but I’m going to fucking try. I don’t wanna just randomly show up at his place but I also don’t wanna show up here during working hours to talk to him. Where else can I see him?”

 

Elizabeth immediately has an idea. “Ooh! He drops the kids off back at Amy’s tomorrow around 6, then after he goes straight to the pub right across the street from here. He’s usually there until 1 am.”

 

Sebastian nods, “Okay then. I’ll meet him there. Please don’t tell him though. I don’t want him to overthink it  and make him panic then he won’t end up going.”

 

Elizabeth understands, “Of course, I won’t tell him.”

 

“Thank you Liz, for everything.” 

 

“No problem my dear. Like I said, you two have my support. I’m rooting for you both. You have always been good for him.”

 

They hug one last time and Sebastian promises her that he’ll keep in touch. When he leaves the building he feels different. The air is fresher and the world feels less heavy now that he knows what he wants to do.

 

~

 

When Sebastian gets back home Daniel is there in the dining area setting down the food.

 

“Hey! You’re home from work early, which is perfect because this spaghetti cooked quicker than I thought.” Daniel greets him happily.

 

Sebastian smiles and readys himself to tell Daniel that he didn’t actually go to work but Daniel speaks again.

 

“How did your talk with Amy go? What’d she want?” He asks.

 

“I didn’t go to work.”

 

Daniel’s brows furrowed. But Sebastian continues, “My talk with Amy was unexpected. She’s been worried about Chris and asked me if I could talk to him… to offer him some closure.”

 

“Oookaayy… so did you? Is that why you didn’t go to work?” Daniel was terrified he’d say yes.

 

“No. I told her I needed to think about it. After that I actually went back to the office, to talk to Liz.” He takes a seat at the dining table.

 

“Why?” Daniel asks and Sebastian tells him everything while they eat. He tells him what Elizabeth tells him about Chris’ behavior and problems with drinking. He tells him his plans to speak to him tomorrow night. After he’s done talking Daniel is silent for a few moments.

 

Until, “It’s not a good idea, don’t meet with him tomorrow.”

 

Sebastian’s kind of stunned, especially because Daniel said it like an order.

 

“What? Why?”

 

“Well, you heard it from Elizabeth! He’s a fucking alcoholic. It wouldn’t be safe for you to be around him. Especially at a bar. It could trigger you.”

 

Sebastian is so confused, “What do you mean. Alcohol hasn’t been a problem for me for a while now. You were the one who even encouraged me to have that first celebratory drink. You know I don’t wanna go back to that lifestyle, you know I’m responsible.” He almost felt like a child trying to reason with him.

 

“That’s different. I was with you the entire time. And I’m always with you whenever you decide to have a drink. I’m the reason you never get drunk.” Daniel’s voice raises a tad. Which has never happened so it almost intimidates Sebastian.

“What the fuck. You don’t control me Daniel, if I had wanted to get drunk again after my first drink I would’ve. I’m in charge of myself, you’re not the reason for anything.” Sebastian grits.

 

Daniel shakes his head, “So you’re just gonna fucking go back to him?”

 

“I don’t know! All I know is I’m not gonna let him fucking kill himself over a situation we both had a fault in.”

 

“HE’S NOT EVEN SUICIDAL. HE’S A FUCKING DRUNKARD AND HE’S TOXIC FOR YOU.” Daniel gets up and starts pacing.

 

Sebastian stands up too, “WELL I WAS A FUCKING DRUNKARD TOO AND YOU AND I BOTH KNOW IT COULD’VE DAMN WELL KILLED ME. I can’t fucking believe you.”

 

Daniel doesn’t say anything.

 

So Sebastian talks again, “I’m going to see him tomorrow. I don’t know how I’m gonna do it, but I’m going to help him any way that I can. That’s that.”

 

Daniel huffs out a bitter laugh, “You won’t help him. He’ll just drag you back into that toxic lifestyle and I’ll have to be the one to fix you up again. You’re making a big mistake.” With that, he leaves Sebastian in the kitchen and slams the door as he enters his room.

 

Sebastian’s at a loss for words. This was a side of Daniel he had never ever seen. He never thought it was possible for him to talk that hateful. It flipped a switch in Sebastian. Seeing Chris would not be a mistake. Keeping Daniel around would be. 

 

If Sebastian wasn’t sure before, he’s sure now… he’ll do whatever it takes to fix the brokenness between him and Chris. With all the love he has in his heart for him, he’s going to get Chris back.


End file.
